M.I.A. Leaflet - Andrew M.
M.I.A. LEAFLET ↓
Welcome To Marco Island Academy!
Why You Should Come To M.I.A.!
Ever since 2011, Marco Island Academy has been educating students and building futures year after year for students just like you! Marco Island Academy takes pride in academics, sports, clubs, theatre programs, and the many more experiences offered at the school. At Marco Island Academy there is something for you.!
Marco Island Academy’s Mission:
The mission of Marco Island Academy is to provide a student-centered, well-rounded, interdisciplinary education. Students will engage in critical thinking while focusing on math, science, technology, environmental and global studies. The Academy will uphold the highest standards of academic excellence, integrity, respect, and social responsibility, while guiding students to achieve post-secondary success.
Academics:
Marco Island Academy wants you to get the best education possible. Not only will you be going to an A rated school, but you will also be going to a school that has been ranked within the top 3% of the most difficult schools in the nation! With a small teacher-to-student ratio, you will be able to learn more than you would at a larger high school and you will be able to have a more positive classroom experience.
At Marco Island Academy, the A.I.C.E. program is offered for students just like you! After completing the A.I.C.E. curriculum, you will be able to receive the maximum Bright Futures Scholarship.
Extra Curricular Activities:
At Marco Island Academy, it’s not all about academics! You will quickly discover that there is something for every student. You will have the opportunity to play sports, like Football, Soccer, Baseball, Basketball, Cheerleading, Volleyball, Track, Tennis, Golf, and many others.
You will also have the opportunity to partake in the performing arts with a wonderful theatre program, partake in art classes like Painting, Drawing, and others, and partake in digital art classes like Creative Photography.
Additionally, you will have the opportunity to join our wide variety of clubs like Key Club, Chess Club, Fishing Club, and many more!
Progress:
From starting the journey in trailer portables to constructing a beautiful new school, Marco Island Academy is always evolving. Coming soon is the new Athletic Field and Sports Performance Center! This will give students just like you the opportunity to indulge in sports right next to the school.
ANALYSIS ↓:
First off I started my leaflet with an attention getting title “Welcome To Marco Island Academy!”. This makes the leaflet seem fun and exciting for students because, coming from a student, I wouldn’t want to read a lame leaflet.
My structure is made up of short sentences with bullet points so that a reader would not get bored easily while reading the leaflet. Also, I tried to order the leaflet from most to least important topics (Academics -> non-circular -> etc.) while simultaneously making each one sound interesting in their own light.
My form is obviously a leaflet for the school.
My language choices throughout the leaflet remain constant with a relaxed sense of professionalism. I want the reader to be enthusiastic about the school while the parents of the student are able to gather enough information from the leaflet.
I used a second person point of view using words like “you” to directly speak to the student.
Finally, I spoke about the progress that M.I.A. has made to get more people excited about going because the school is forever adapting. While the school may be adapting, the care that we show our students never changes.
On the AO2 scale, I would award you with 7 points. I generally found your writing to fall under the level three box. However your major downfall was your lack of attention to the prompt. This was supposed to guide the student towards the first few days at MIA. This pamphlet was basically an advertisement for everything the school has to offer. It did not give any indication that it was meant to be used for guidance. I found your expression of what you did have to be clear and your structure makes sense. Your usage of bullet points made for high readability and organized structure. I also thought since you were lacking when it came to addressing the prompt correctly you did not properly address the audience as they would not find this to be a rich source of guidance on the first day. There were a few errors in your writing but it did not impede communication. Overall, this is a good start for answering this type of question. I just recommend you pay closer attention to detail in the prompt.
ReplyDeleteOn the AO3 scale, I would award you with two. You failed to meet the minimum word count. You also only stated what you had done in your paper but also failed to make any effort toward an explanation on why you did these things. Next time, don't use bullet points either. I suggest going back into the textbook and reading a few examples on how to correctly write an analysis.
For example, you said “I used a second person point of view using words like “you” to directly speak to the student.” but next time include the why of how this affects the audience or improve your writing such as making it more engaging or personal. This is an easy way to show your knowledge and improve your score.
AO2
ReplyDelete6 Marks: Throughout the paper you constantly used ‘for you’. This is a good way to involve the reader but that was your only way and was very repetitive in a not so good way. I liked the way you organized all the things you wanted to talk about in our school like the activities, classes, and the mission. However you never specified for your audience. If your audience was for adults then to add the mission first would be good. However for kids they might get bored and think it’s an informational paper and they don’t want to read about that. They want to read about what they can do. Adding the mission last would have been better in that situation. Overall there were a few grammatical errors, but that’s about it.
AO3
4 Marks: In your analysis you didn’t add anything about your audience. You didn’t specify who you were writing to, reason for explanation above. Also you used bullet points. When writing for AICE, I’m not sure you can do bullet points so I suggest not to work in that format just in case. Also when writing in paragraph form it’s easier to see your train of thought besides hearing one thought there and another there. In addition it helps you get a deeper explanation. Your bullet points are very small and don't give you a lot of content that you could have written about. You did good at keeping the reader involved by using the short sentences. But I got to remember the audience. Depending on the audience the way you phrase the short sentences can change. Overall, your analysis is very laid back and informal. I suggest making it a bit more formal for the grader’s liking for the real deal
For AO2 I think that you had a clear expression and used good language too. There weren’t any errors that I noticed that would impede communication. I enjoyed how the text was organized and I thought you gave good reasons that would attract new students to the school. I would give you a 7 on AO2
ReplyDeleteFor AO3 I would give you 5 marks because I feel that your analysis could have been a little more detailed when you talk about the form and structure of your leaflet.
AO2: I give you a 6/10 because you misunderstood the prompt. One of your subtitles is "why you should come to MIA" and the whole pamphlet is an advertisement, whereas this is supposed to be a welcoming pamphlet where you reassure the student for their first day.
ReplyDeleteAO3: I give you a 6/10. You gave reasoning for everything, just not explanation. I think this is where the bullet points became your downfall because when we use bullet points we just want to list things but this particular prompt requires explanations.