Usain Bolt AICE English Language - Andrew M.
PART A:
Usain Bolt Wins Gold!
Just last week, Jamaican Olympic sprinter Usain Bolt shocked the world when won his first official Olympic 100 meter gold medal in Beijing, China. Setting a new world record for the fastest 100 meter time, Bolt is the “world’s fastest man”. One of the most unbelievable parts about his incredible accomplishment is that he ran the race with his shoes untied!
Racing among some of the best athletes in the world like Richard Thompson, Walter Dix, Churandy Martina, Michael Frater, Marc Burns, Darvis Patton, and teammate Asafa Powell, Usain Bolt outran and outperformed his competitors on the track. With a beyond remarkable display of speed, Bolt had a blazing fast time of 9.69 seconds! The talented sprinter managed to keep calm, relaxed, and composed, despite his shaky start in the race and making an almost devastating step within the first 20 meters.
After finishing the race, Bolt went wild with excitement and pounded his chest in triumph. The proud runner knew that no one could beat him. Last week’s race was truly a historic moment, but, real question, will Bolt be able to change the world again?
PART B:
Comparing my newspaper article to the autobiography of Usain Bolt, there are some similarities but mostly differences. In the first sentence, Bolt uses the word “Bang!’ to help give the reader an auditory example of the sounds of the event to help the reader be able to visualize themselves there. Also, the word “Bang!” is his way of starting off with a bang, literally and figuratively. In my newspaper article, I did not use descriptions of sounds to help set the tone. Also, I smoothly transitioned into my article’s introduction, which still had excitement, instead of using one attention grabbing word. A couple lines later in the first major paragraph, the type of language changes. In the first two sentences of the autobiography, the language is short and non descriptive like “The gun went.”, but quickly changes to a calm, explanatory writing style in the first person perspective that continues on throughout the rest of the autobiography. In my article, my writing style and language choice stay consistent to help make the audience’s reading experience calm and soothing. Bolt spends a big amount of time during the autobiography excerpt talking about the mistakes he made while he was in the race. While I did mention his mistakes, I made sure to stay focused on the positives of the story and his incredible achievement. One of the biggest differences is the type of language that he used in his autobiography and the language I used in my article. In my article, I made sure to use professional sounding language like a real newspaper company would. In Bolt’s autobiography excerpt, he frequently uses unprofessional words like “yo”, “chill”, “kinda”, etc. While this type of writing does fit the type of story being told, it is completely opposite of the way that I wrote. Bolt went for the chronological storytelling approach with small pauses in between to display his inner thoughts in the moment. I started off with how he won and then went into the other details of the race like how a newspaper describes events from most important to least important. Lastly, the tone of the pieces of literature are very different. Bolt’s tone switches around a lot, it goes from explanatory to action-packed to suspenseful to celebratory. Mine stays the same and never deviates. Even though there are many differences, there are some similarities. We both end off on a positive, victorious feeling. If you think about it, Bolt and I’s goal is the same; to tell his story.
Hey Andrew, I really liked your blog and thought it was pretty good.
ReplyDeleteAO1- For section AO1, I am giving you 4 out of 5 marks. You had a detailed understanding of the text and you showed that in your writing. You also had good references of the autobiography in your text.
AO2- For section AO2, I am giving you 5 out of 5 marks. You had a really good use of language and didn’t stray off topic. I liked your use of a rhetorical question at the end of your article. You also addressed your audience in your article.
AO3- For section AO3, I am giving you 8 out of 10 marks. You had a detailed analysis of bothe of the texts. You had quoted references from the autobiography, but didn’t have any from your newspaper article. You made sure to talk about the language and tone of both texts. It really shows how well you know both of the texts.
Table A:
ReplyDeleteA01:
For this section, I would give you a 3/5. While you show an understanding of the text you use minimal information from the text and instead use outside sources. For example when you give the run time and talk about his shoes being untied. While it does show understanding, it doesn't show that you understood the actual text given. But you do show effective reference to characteristic features, describing how Bolt "went wild with excitement and pounded his chest in triumph."
A02:
For this section, I would give you a 5/5. You managed to stay on topic and developed all of your thoughts in a highly sophisticated manner. All of the content is fully relevant to the audience and develops a sense of awe for the audience. Your writing was also creative and effective for newspaper writing.
Table B:
A01:
For this part, I would give you 4/5 marks. You show a great understanding of both texts. You show the ability to identify the context behind certain phrases used and the meaning behind others. You are also able to provide insightful references to characteristic features.
A03:
For this final part, I would give you a 6/10. You did a good job of discussing both your and Bolt's writing choices. You were able to identify informalities and discuss why they were used and their impact on the audience. For example, "he frequently uses unprofessional words like 'yo', 'chill', 'kinda', etc. While this type of writing does fit the type of story being told." Despite this fact, I had to score you lower because you didn't provide enough details to prove your understanding of the differences in Usain's text versus your own. While you do provide points, I believe that you could have been more specific and brought up a lot more. Your writing seems to talk about the same few things and doesn't expand much beyond that.